Review: Cheez-It Crunch’d

Alright folks, what do we have on the table today? Cheez-It Crunch’d! I’m going to be honest here. I’ve been wanting to try these out for months now, but I’ve been too cheap to actually spend 3 whole dollars on it. I guess it’s some weird hang up I should seek professional counsel for. Would I have taken a shot at $2.50, probably. But at THREE WHOLE DOLLARS? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? But this article isn’t about me, it’s about this overly punctuated snack food.**

Let’s just get to it, are Cheez-It Crunch’d actually crunchy? YES. Exceedingly so, actually. I bought them for my cubicle at work and I am terrified to eat them with anyone around because they’re so DAMN loud. They are the loudest chip/snack/cracker that I can ever remember eating. If I want to have one and any of my cube neighbors are nearby, I have to slowly soften the Crunch’d with saliva before actually chomping down. Kinda like a spider digesting its prey. Or an old lady who’s forgotten her dentures. I personally prefer the first analogy.

Ok, so they’re crunchy. What about the other half of their grammatically abridged moniker? Are they cheesy? Yes. I?m really not a huge fan of classic Cheez-Its. To my tastes, standard Cheez-Its are overly salty and have a very flat cheese taste. Basically, the Goldfish’s less whimsical cousin. The Crunch’d keep the classic cheddar flavor while toning the salt level down a notch. There’s almost a nacho-esque hint to the flavor, but not overly so. If you’re a Cheez-Its fan, I think you’ll enjoy it. If you’re a cheesy snack junky like I am, I would also give these the thumbs up.


Cheez-It Crunch’d lives up to its name, delivering their classic cheesy flavor the loudest crunch I’ve ever experienced out of a snack. It’s a great snack for everywhere that isn’t your office cubicle where you sit right next the Director of your department.

**Note: I finally picked these up for $1.00 at my local Big Lots. SCORE! I’ll put the two dollars I saved towards my therapy sessions about unrealistic pricing expectations.


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Gardetto’s Chipotle Cheddar Snack Mix

Gardetto’s Chipotle Cheddar snack mixI’m always on the lookout for cool new snacks- especially on my lunch breaks. That’s right, I’m working hard for you guys while even while I’m on break. This bag of Gardetto’s Chipotle Cheddar snack mix is what caught my eye today for lunch.

Chipotle flavor can really be hit or miss with me. It can range from spicy to smoky to salty. Luckily, the addition of cheddar to the mix really compliments the smokiness of the chipotle well. It’s not too spicy and packed with flavor. They’re addictive enough that my coworker Parker finished 3/4 of the bag himself. You owe me a bag you bastard.


4 out of 5 awesomes!

Rating= 4


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Pogos potato cheese sticks review

Pogos Jalapeno Cheddar, White Cheddar and Hickory SmokedThe nice people at Medora Snacks sent us some samples of their new Pogos potato cheese sticks. Thanks guys! These are wholesome snacks made with all natural ingredients. A quick peak at the nutritional facts shows that these are actually better for you than most other snacks.

So what about taste? Taste is the most important part of a snack food and Pogos passes that test hands down. I was a little confused at first about the flavor but soon realized why. Pogos really taste like the flavor they claim to be. When I tasted the Hickory Smoked Pogos, I was expecting the same generic barbeque flavor that you get with most chips. No, these actually have a smoke taste to them. The White Cheddar Pogos(my favorite) taste like real cheese, not some fake orange stuff. And the Jalapeño Cheddar definitely has the kick of jalapeno. And it’s a spiciness that lasts.

Pogos have a very satisfying texture and crunch. They are not some flimsy little chip; these sticks have a serious crunch.

Pogos potato cheese sticks gets a 4 out of 5 awesomes. Pogos have a satisfying crunch and flavor that won’t stretch your waistline!

Rating= 4

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Pace Triple Pepper Salsa review

Pace Triple Pepper SalsaRoommate Jim l-o-v-e-s the salsa. He’d rather use salsa than any sort of hot sauce. He’d probably order salsa soup if a restaurant had it on the menu. Well thats good news for both you and me because that means more new product reviews! Today, we’re trying out Pace’s new Triple Pepper Salsa. It comes in a new style black label that makes it look like it was made in New York City, ironically enough. Who cares though, it worked and we bought some.

The first thing I noticed about the salsa is that it actually doesn’t mention how much heat it’s got. It does mention that it’s made of Green chili, Serrano and Guajillo peppers. So how hot is it? On a scale of 1 being ketchup and 5 being death(atomic wings from WingZone), these are about a 2. There is some heat, but it’s surprisingly sweet as well. It’s also a pretty thick salsa for those of you that have a preference. Not chunky, but thick.

Overall, I give Pace’s Triple Pepper Salsa a 4 out of 5 awesomenesses. It’s sweet with a little bit of heat.

 Rating= 4

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Peacock Brand Fish Flavored Pervert Snacks

Ok, so they’re not actually called Pervert chips. There’s really not much English on the bag at all. But the picture says it all:

Peacock brand Fish Snacks

I can honestly say, these are the most homo-erotic snacks I’ve ever eaten. I’m not even sure what the pictures have to do with chips. If anyone could give me a rough translation, that’d be awesome!

They taste surprisingly sweet and toasty at first, followed by a very strong fishy aftertaste. It tastes nothing like perverts. Or bi-curious teenage boys. Or so I would imagine. I’m not much of a seafood lover so I couldn’t see buying these again.

Peacock brand Fish Flavored Snacks get a 2.5 out of 5. They taste like a 2, but the bag art earns them an extra half point!

Rating= 2.5

Quoth the roommate-”They taste sweeter than I thought, just like little boys.”

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Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos review! And where to find them!

Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos reviewHot damn! I finally found the Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos that Stephen Colbert has been raving over on the Colbert Report! I’ve been checking every store I go to and could not find a single bag! Today, I was getting stuff for our Easter BBQ and found them at Fiesta Mart in Arlington, TX. If you don’t have one nearby, you could always try to find them online: KatiesKandies has them.

Now are they worth it? Sure! I’ve had Sweet Chili chips before and haven’t liked them much. Usually they’re going for a Thai flavor and everything just ends up too dry tasting if that makes any sense. Too much heat and not enough flavor.

New Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos are surprisingly good. There’s definitely enough flavor to go around. It starts with a sweet cheesiness and gives you a little heat on the back end. It’s almost a BBQ taste. They weren’t very spicy to me, but some friends that tried them thought there was a decent amount of heat on them. They’re not my favorite Doritos flavor, but I definitely wouldn’t mind munching on them at a party or bbq. Or watching the Colbert Report. Gotta love that Colbert Bump!

Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos gets a 4 out of 5 on the awesomeness meter!

Rating= 4

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Mystery of the Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos- now without a review!

Doritos Sweet and Spicy Chiliupdate: I finally found these Doritos and have a review on this snack food here!

Today on the Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert had a huge segment on Doritos funding his escapades again. He practically swam in bags of Dorito’s new Spicy Sweet Chili flavor. They fell from the ceiling as if they were ballons… happy ballons, fill with corn chips. He tossed chips at the audience while he ate them. And as he ate them, he actually didn’t seem to like them much.

I had seen these chips earlier last week and thought about picking them up. I decided against it since sweet chili flavor on chips hasn’t worked out well in my experience. But all this attention they were getting, I figured I’d review them for you guys. It’s not cuz I love you guys, I’m just using you to get to your hot sister.

Well after searching 4 stores after midnight(in the rain, mind you) I still cannot freaking find these things. I’m positive I saw them last week! I’m not crazy, I swear! I can’t remember where I saw them, so I went to my usual places: Walmart, Kroger, Tom Thumb and QT (Quick Trip gas station). No luck. I even tried to call my little brother(who I think saw them with me) at 1am for help. For some strange reason, he wouldn’t answer me. Maybe Doritos took a page from the Nintendo marketing plan and are creating shortages to boost desirability…. or not.

Oh well. When I find them, I’ll be sure to post up a review. Till then, we’ll be following the “Dorito’s Spicy Sweet Pennsylvania Primary Coverage From Chili-Delphia- The City of Brotherly Crunch!” on the Colbert Report! Stay tuned!

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Pringles Extreme Screamin’ Dill Pickle snack food review

Pringles Extreme Screamin’ PickleWow, these must be pretty damn extreme. So extreme that they’re freaking screamin! That’s exactly what I want from my potato chips. Ideally, I want my snacks hopped up on speed and plowing through sheetrock while blaring Dragonforce. I want my chips to kick my teeth in before I get a chance to eat it, then piss in my coffee. EXTREME!

What I don’t necessarily want from my chips is them to taste like pickles. Oh well, it’s a trade off I guess.

When you first open the seal, you get a nice big whiff of the extreme pickleness immediately. I thought: ok, I’ve had pickle chips before and I like salt and vinegar chips. Let’s give them a taste!

I found out why they added the descriptor “Screamin’ ” on the can. It’s not actually describing the chips, but acts as a disclaimer. You will make loud noises when you first taste these. Usually a cough/gasp for air followed by some sort of exclamation. “Damn that’s some extreme pickle there” is a suitable exclamation. I’ll attempt to describe the taste. Imagine if you could compress vinegar with enough force to turn it into a solid. Kind of like Superman squeezing coal into a diamond, but much more useless and smelly. Now, put that in a mason jar with some pickling brine and wait a week. Now, drink the entire jar.

I’m usually all about adding more flavor to chips. Hell, if they sold kilo bricks of Doritos cheese, I’d probably have to pawn my roomate’s TV to support my habit. Apparently, I’ve found my limit for pickle flavor. I can’t eat more than a couple at a time. I’d probably throw them away but it’s fun making other people try them. I could really see this being a great idea to keep around if your wife is pregnant. On second though, it might be better if you keep pregnant women and unborn children away from these Pringles. You wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt by the sheer extremeness of these chips. Plus, there may be a high chance that your wife would give birth to a 7 pound pickle. Boy, wouldn’t that be weird to see coming out of your wife? Feel free to send me a link to those pictures…

Somewhat edible, but way too extreme for me: 2 out of 5 awesomenesses.

Rating= 2

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Life, Cheetos and Flaming Hot Sex

I recently reviewed the newest flavor from Cheetos. It got me wondering if you can measure maturity based on Cheeto preference.

In high school, for me it was all about Flaming Hot Cheetos. That’s what life is like as a teenager: EXTREME! You think you’re invincible and will stick anything in your mouth that’s exciting or spicy. (maybe that was just me…)

I’ve gotten a little older and now prefer Cheddar Jalepeno as my cheese snack of choice. I do revisit my old friend Flaming Hot from time to time, but mostly to prove that I can still hold my own. Cheddar Jalepeno Cheetos still offer a little spice in my life, but are mild enough to enjoy with mixed company. It’s sort of like trading in your sports car for a sedan, but you install rims and exhaust on the sedan to show you’re still cool.

I imagine that as I get older, my taste for Cheetos will get more and more mild. Some day, I’ll be gumming on Cheetos Puffs telling my grandchildren about the awesome ’91 Honda Prelude I used to drive. With Flaming Hot fingerprints all over the upholstery. From the Flaming Hot sex I was getting. Then my granchildren will throw up and we’ll all have a good laugh.

Cheetos timeline

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Cheesy Enchilada Cheetos- Dangerously Awesome Review

What makes Cheetos so dangerous? I haven’t read any news articles blaming Cheetos for crime rates like the iPod. Maybe we should blame Cheetos. That cheetah is up to no good. Just watch the latest commercials for Cheetos. Chester is sneaking in and out of the shadows, enlisting innocent people to perform acts of civil disobedience. We’ve got to stop these random acts of Cheetos. And I’ll thank you not to shove Cheetos in my nostrils, Chester. Cheetos belong in my mouth.

Cheesy Enchilada Cheetos reviewEspecially these new Cheesy Enchilada Cheetos. I picked them up at Kroger- 2 bucks on sale- and DAMN are they good. For the cheese-puff-related record, here’s how I prefer my Cheetos. In order from favorite to least: Cheddar Jalepeno, Flaming Hot, Puffs, Classic. Yes, I put old school crunchy at the bottom of my list. These jump right on up there, right smack even with Flaming Hot. Tied for second!

They’re your classic crunchy form of Cheeto, with an extra kick of flavor. I actually don’t do enchiladas that much, so I didn’t expect much out of these. But these are great! They’ve got a dash of chili and cumin; not enough to be spicy, but enough to be freaking awesome. Repeat munchability factor is high.

Perhaps that cheetah is onto something. Maybe I’ll join the Orange Underground. You think they give you free Cheetos?

I give this a 4 out of 5 on the awesomeness meter!

Cheeto’d meter 4

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Pirate’s Booty (giggle)

Pirate's Booty review

Maybe I have the sense of humor of a 5 year old. Or maybe I’m hoping to draw misplaced and confused Johnny Depp fans to Whatever the reason, I chose to review Pirate’s Booty from Robert’s American Gourmet Snacks .

I picked up my Booty (teehee) from Whole Foods Store in their chip aisle. I’ve seen these all over the place though: campus stores, vending machines, grocery stores, etc. The company apparently has an entire line of Booty chips ranging from Fruity Booty to Veggie Booty. I picked up my 4oz bag for 2 bucks on sale. The bag is bigger than it sounds because these are actually pretty light. I’d say about the size of a bag of Doritos.

Pirate’s Booty are aged white cheddar flavored puffs of rice and corn. They’re somewhat healthy- 5g of fat, 180 calories- and boast to be all natural. They’re very light and airy, almost like packing peanuts. Unlike packing peanuts, however, they taste great! The actual booty are very randomly shaped nuggets. Personally, I think they could have gone with a little more flavoring on it, but I’m a huge fan of white cheddar. They’re filling enough to snack on and healthy enough to not feel too bad.

Check out the pictures of my all natural Booty!

White Cheddar Pirates Booty bag Pirate Booty closeup

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