Peeps Torture- pan frying a marshmallow peep

As part of our on-going Easter Peeps Torture series, we are now pan frying a marshmallow peep. If you’re going to do this at home, fair warning: there’s going to be a good bit of smoke!

aftermath(fried peep is on the bottom, duh!):

Pan fried Easter Peep

Video:

For more Peeps torture:

http://www.netfoodie.com/tag/peeps/

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Peeps Torture- microwaving marshmallow peeps

Welcome to the first installment of our special Easter segment, Peeps Torture! Oh, sorry. I meant Peeps Advanced Interrogation Techniques. Better? Not really, but here we go!

From now until Easter, I’m going to find new ways to maim, mutilate and macerate these cute little marshmallow chicks! I figured I first should start with the classic torture- the microwave. Surprisingly, I’ve never actually microwaved Peeps. There are pop culture references to it, but I never got around to doing it. That’s about to change!

Here’s the video of microwaving Peeps for 30 seconds:




Wow, that was actually more than I expected. Microwaving Peeps cause them to fluff up and grow to almost 3 times the size. After about 20 seconds, the Peep starts to deflate. The other 10 seconds was more overkill than anything else. And the coolest part? It tastes awesome! Better than “live” Peeps, these nuked Peeps taste alot like those meringue cookies. Same texture and everything!

Our lesson today- microwaving defenseless marshmallow baby chicks is delicious.

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Too Cheap Food: Dollar Store Beef Jerky

Beef Jerky from Dollar Tree Store“You get what you pay for.” It’s a saying that gets used alot these days. But I like to bend the rules. I’m always scouting for a great deal or a new sale. Slickdeals.net and Woot.com are my friends. But I will admit, sometimes cheaper is not necessarily better. This brings me to our first installment of “Too Cheap Food”!

“Too Cheap Food” is a segment in which we will explore the world of food that is, you guessed

it, too cheap. I’m talking about the clearance basket at the grocery store, the food aisle at the dollar store or any other way to get questionable food at questionable prices.

Today’s judgment: Mystery Brand Beef Jerky from Dollar Tree.

You know you’re in for a treat when your food has no name brand on it. All the package says on the front is “Beef Jerky Original”. But what company will I sue when I get food poisoning send the thank you notes to after I finish off this bag of delicious smoked protein? That’s ok though, at least we get 50% more of this mystery meat! Completely worth it! Oooh! On the back in tiny letters, I found the distributor: Greenbrier International Inc in Chesapeake, VA! Well, now I sure am relieved!

Alright, I ate about half of the jerky and I didn’t get a stomach ache! I did, however, almost get a jaw ache. These this taste smoky and all, but are hard as hell! The package says “Slowly Smoked Over Aged Wood”. I think that’s pretty accurate, but they added one word too many: “over”. This tastes more like “Slowly Smoke Aged Wood”. Honest mistake, don’t beat yourself up over it Greenbrier. Ok, so I am exagerating but this stuff is pretty tough to chew. The flavor is sweet and smoky, but seems to need a little stronger flavor.

As it turns out, 50% more crap still equals out to 150% crap. Amazing!

I give Greenbrier Beef Jerky a 2 out of 5 on the netfoodie.com Awesomeness Meter:

Rating= 2

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Mystery of the Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos- now without a review!

Doritos Sweet and Spicy Chiliupdate: I finally found these Doritos and have a review on this snack food here!

Today on the Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert had a huge segment on Doritos funding his escapades again. He practically swam in bags of Dorito’s new Spicy Sweet Chili flavor. They fell from the ceiling as if they were ballons… happy ballons, fill with corn chips. He tossed chips at the audience while he ate them. And as he ate them, he actually didn’t seem to like them much.

I had seen these chips earlier last week and thought about picking them up. I decided against it since sweet chili flavor on chips hasn’t worked out well in my experience. But all this attention they were getting, I figured I’d review them for you guys. It’s not cuz I love you guys, I’m just using you to get to your hot sister.

Well after searching 4 stores after midnight(in the rain, mind you) I still cannot freaking find these things. I’m positive I saw them last week! I’m not crazy, I swear! I can’t remember where I saw them, so I went to my usual places: Walmart, Kroger, Tom Thumb and QT (Quick Trip gas station). No luck. I even tried to call my little brother(who I think saw them with me) at 1am for help. For some strange reason, he wouldn’t answer me. Maybe Doritos took a page from the Nintendo marketing plan and are creating shortages to boost desirability…. or not.

Oh well. When I find them, I’ll be sure to post up a review. Till then, we’ll be following the “Dorito’s Spicy Sweet Pennsylvania Primary Coverage From Chili-Delphia- The City of Brotherly Crunch!” on the Colbert Report! Stay tuned!

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Pringles Extreme Screamin’ Dill Pickle snack food review

Pringles Extreme Screamin’ PickleWow, these must be pretty damn extreme. So extreme that they’re freaking screamin! That’s exactly what I want from my potato chips. Ideally, I want my snacks hopped up on speed and plowing through sheetrock while blaring Dragonforce. I want my chips to kick my teeth in before I get a chance to eat it, then piss in my coffee. EXTREME!

What I don’t necessarily want from my chips is them to taste like pickles. Oh well, it’s a trade off I guess.

When you first open the seal, you get a nice big whiff of the extreme pickleness immediately. I thought: ok, I’ve had pickle chips before and I like salt and vinegar chips. Let’s give them a taste!

I found out why they added the descriptor “Screamin’ ” on the can. It’s not actually describing the chips, but acts as a disclaimer. You will make loud noises when you first taste these. Usually a cough/gasp for air followed by some sort of exclamation. “Damn that’s some extreme pickle there” is a suitable exclamation. I’ll attempt to describe the taste. Imagine if you could compress vinegar with enough force to turn it into a solid. Kind of like Superman squeezing coal into a diamond, but much more useless and smelly. Now, put that in a mason jar with some pickling brine and wait a week. Now, drink the entire jar.

I’m usually all about adding more flavor to chips. Hell, if they sold kilo bricks of Doritos cheese, I’d probably have to pawn my roomate’s TV to support my habit. Apparently, I’ve found my limit for pickle flavor. I can’t eat more than a couple at a time. I’d probably throw them away but it’s fun making other people try them. I could really see this being a great idea to keep around if your wife is pregnant. On second though, it might be better if you keep pregnant women and unborn children away from these Pringles. You wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt by the sheer extremeness of these chips. Plus, there may be a high chance that your wife would give birth to a 7 pound pickle. Boy, wouldn’t that be weird to see coming out of your wife? Feel free to send me a link to those pictures…

Somewhat edible, but way too extreme for me: 2 out of 5 awesomenesses.

Rating= 2

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Cheesy Enchilada Cheetos- Dangerously Awesome Review

What makes Cheetos so dangerous? I haven’t read any news articles blaming Cheetos for crime rates like the iPod. Maybe we should blame Cheetos. That cheetah is up to no good. Just watch the latest commercials for Cheetos. Chester is sneaking in and out of the shadows, enlisting innocent people to perform acts of civil disobedience. We’ve got to stop these random acts of Cheetos. And I’ll thank you not to shove Cheetos in my nostrils, Chester. Cheetos belong in my mouth.

Cheesy Enchilada Cheetos reviewEspecially these new Cheesy Enchilada Cheetos. I picked them up at Kroger- 2 bucks on sale- and DAMN are they good. For the cheese-puff-related record, here’s how I prefer my Cheetos. In order from favorite to least: Cheddar Jalepeno, Flaming Hot, Puffs, Classic. Yes, I put old school crunchy at the bottom of my list. These jump right on up there, right smack even with Flaming Hot. Tied for second!

They’re your classic crunchy form of Cheeto, with an extra kick of flavor. I actually don’t do enchiladas that much, so I didn’t expect much out of these. But these are great! They’ve got a dash of chili and cumin; not enough to be spicy, but enough to be freaking awesome. Repeat munchability factor is high.

Perhaps that cheetah is onto something. Maybe I’ll join the Orange Underground. You think they give you free Cheetos?

I give this a 4 out of 5 on the awesomeness meter!

Cheeto’d meter 4

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Crack Sandwich- need I say anything else?

Fuma Crack Sandwiches- Sesame

Seriously? The guys at the Fuma factory in China couldn’t think of a better name?Alright then, Crack Sandwich it is.

(tee hee)

I picked up these Crack Sandwiches at Saigon Marketplace, a local asian supermarket. I really don’t know what the name was trying to go for- am I supposed to crack them in half? (Which I did, nothing cool happened except a bunch of crumbs that were only mildly cool.) Are they’re so good, you’ll get addicted? (Gotta sell my mom’s TV to buy more crack sandwiches!) Is it some sort of innuendo about the model on the packaging? (Hello nurse!) Either way, it worked. I bought it.

What’s a crack sandwich? According to the packaging, it’s egg milk wafers filled with sesame butter filling. What’s it taste like? Sadly, they didn’t taste like crack or sandwiches. It tastes like a wafer ice cream cone with a peanut butter cream. Not bad, but taste a little stale and doesn’t have enough creme filling. I checked the ingredients too. Nothing contraband or exuded from a supermodel. Somewhat disappointing.

Still, I’ll say that it was completely worth it for the packaging :)

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Gimme a crack at that Toggi Bar!

Original Toggi Greek ChocolateI freaking love saying the name: Toggi! It sounds like a game you would only play at a party when you’re really drunk and no one would really know the rules but it doesn’t matter because it always ends up as a giant chocolate orgy. Wait, huh? Nevermind.

I picked up the Original Toggi at Seven Eleven. I suppose there’s a Toggi doppleganger out there somewhere, stealing Toggi’s identity. But nothing can match the original fine European chocolate wafers. I mean, there’s funny words I don’t understand on the packaging, it must be European! Sure enough, the back says these things are made in Greece. Mmm, greeky.

These things are pretty damn good. The closest mainstream thing we have to compare to is Kit Kat. Toggie’s (toggii?) are similar in flavor to Kit Kats, but much bigger and have a thinner shell. The wafers are a little lighter and crispier too and it has more of a hazelnut flavor to it. If I had to choose, I think I’d go with a Toggi bar over a Kit Kat… but that may just be because I like chocolate orgies.

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Pocky= tiny sticks of pure joy!

Pocky Chocolate and StrawberryIf you’ve ever been “glomped” at a con, then you probably don’t need an introduction to Pocky. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then this review is for you!

Pocky is a ridiculously popular Japanese snack from Glico. You can find them in Asian markets, comic book stores, anime conventions and even at some Walmarts! They’re usually a dollar or two a box, unless you’re being overcharged at a convention. They’re nifty little biscuit sticks dipped into sweet flavored coatings. It’s really less of a biscuit and more of naked pretzel stick. The most popular flavors are chocolate and strawberry, but they come in a seemingly infinite variety of flavors. While I’m sure that the future holds many reviews of the other flavors, today we’ll focus on chocolate and strawberry.

Opening the Pocky is half the fun! The boxes are made to somewhat act as a display for your sweet sticks. Once you pop open the box, you’ll find a sealed pouch(or 2 if you got a large box) keeping your confection fresh.

The Pocky is a sweet crunchy treat. The stick is crisp and slightly salty while the coating counters with a sweet flavor. I definitely like the chocolate flavor better myself but the strawberry is nothing to sneeze at either(because that’d be kinda gross).  I was constantly surprised at how chocolaty each bite was.

Some notes about Pocky:

Don’t leave Pocky in a hot car, unless you want one giant Pocky bar… which actually sounds pretty good. On second thought, DO leave Pocky in the car.

Don’t let the clerk drop your Pocky. Half of our strawberry Pocky were broken because the clerk dropped the box. Still tasty though!

Pocky is considered a form of currency at anime conventions. Though prostitution is not technically allowed at these conventions, you’ll be surprised at what a box of Pocky can get you. Think of it as a fangirl Klondike bar.

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Wishtree Fried Chicken Crackers- tastes like chicken, kinda

Wishtree Fried Chicken Flavored CrackersWell, I better like these or find some friends who do. The only way it I could find to buy it was in a bag of 20. Luckily, it only cost me $2.50. And also lucky for me, they taste good too!

Ok, so I call these Wishtree Chicken flavored crackers but that’s mostly because those are just about the only English words I can find on the package. I picked these up at my local Hong Kong supermarket and they come in this cute little fried chicken takeout bag with a handle. As an added bonus, you get a little cartoon chicken mascot that appears to be saying “Please eat me. I’m tasty!”

Each package contains 10 very thin crackers. They taste a little buttery and do really have a light chicken taste. If you’ve ever had “Chicken in a Biscuit” crackers, same idea. If not, think Ritz crackers with a salty chickeny flavor. Unlike these crackers though, these are really tin, crispier and a little toastier. I was hoping for a little more flavor, but they are great little snacks. Add a little cheese and they’re awesome!

Now who wants to come over to my place for a chicken cracker party?

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Pirate’s Booty (giggle)

Pirate's Booty review

Maybe I have the sense of humor of a 5 year old. Or maybe I’m hoping to draw misplaced and confused Johnny Depp fans to netfoodie.com. Whatever the reason, I chose to review Pirate’s Booty from Robert’s American Gourmet Snacks .

I picked up my Booty (teehee) from Whole Foods Store in their chip aisle. I’ve seen these all over the place though: campus stores, vending machines, grocery stores, etc. The company apparently has an entire line of Booty chips ranging from Fruity Booty to Veggie Booty. I picked up my 4oz bag for 2 bucks on sale. The bag is bigger than it sounds because these are actually pretty light. I’d say about the size of a bag of Doritos.

Pirate’s Booty are aged white cheddar flavored puffs of rice and corn. They’re somewhat healthy- 5g of fat, 180 calories- and boast to be all natural. They’re very light and airy, almost like packing peanuts. Unlike packing peanuts, however, they taste great! The actual booty are very randomly shaped nuggets. Personally, I think they could have gone with a little more flavoring on it, but I’m a huge fan of white cheddar. They’re filling enough to snack on and healthy enough to not feel too bad.

Check out the pictures of my all natural Booty!

White Cheddar Pirates Booty bag Pirate Booty closeup

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